I never thought that this time will ever come to my senses, the time that I can already say and tell the world that I am ready to face the world alone (although I was a bit inconsistent about this thing, trust me). Forgiving and forgetting a very special someone who left me in the middle of nowhere and who has injured my heart so badly is, in fact, a very complicated process, for me I guess. I was blinded by the guilt feeling believing that I was never been a perfect partner at all, which made me feel the one to blame in that disastrous relationship. Somehow it destroyed my self-esteem and now I am still in the pursuit of my own self worth.
But everybody made mistakes after all…
I know that most of my friends and people who were around me already knew what happened to my so-called long-term romance, even though they were very silent about it. I guess they were just respecting my decision to be quiet. Others tell me that I should be open in discussing it with them but I really feel that it will not help me at all; it will just make me remember everything again and again.
A day from now, it’s another New Year coming and from the looks of it, my days and nights will be long, tough and surely cold. In my own experience, the year 2007 was not exactly a milestone year for me, but a year of learning, understanding and realization. It was my so-called darkest days in my life, where everything seemed to fall out in its right places (‘Yin’), but the lighter part of it is that I was able to create a personal journal like this one (now here’s the ‘Yang’!). The storm has not yet passed. No more wedding plans, no more bitter-sweet-funny yet memorable moments with my special someone, no more family plans with 5 (or more) kids, no more UK visa requirements to be submitted, no more white Christmas and most likely, I got no Valentine’s Day date. Y_Y
I bet 2008 will also blow and howl like this storm in my life, and may be tougher for me. I really really hope that I can still continue and sustain my momentum in the future. I have got no one to hold onto except myself.
No one knows what lies ahead, but bills and debts still have to be paid, groceries to be bought, projects to be finished, tears to be wiped, problems to be faced and no matter what, the world will tell us that it’s time to stop questioning why life can’t be perfect and it’s time to accept the way it is.
All I know, it is the right time for me to set my personal goals and get back on the right track, my track to righteousness, success and most of all, happiness…
