What Makes My Life Beautiful?

On Failures

 

It’s very convincing how experience can teach us incredible lessons that were never taught in school. These are lessons that came from the test of faith, responsibility, passion and true happiness. My experience did…

 

When I lost the only person I got in my life who’s my source of happiness and strength, I thought it was the end of everything. I closed all my connections in the world as if I shut down my life: to my family and to my friends. All the plans and dreams were shuttered as if can never be happening again. Everyday, I have been asking myself ‘what went wrong?’, ‘whose to blame?’ and ‘why me?”. I was very confused. I came to a point where I was blaming others for my miseries, I guess even for my own mistakes.

 

I can no longer measure the tears that shed from my eyes: day and night, inside my room, on the bus, while eating, inside the movie house, on my office desk, and everywhere else… I cried it out, all the heaviness inside my chest. I was praying everyday asking for His guidance and protection, and I came to realize that giving us failures is one of His ways to remind us of His presence. When I met my failures… I met Him again and he didn’t fail to rescue me.

 

On Enjoying Life

 

Then I realized that the pain, depression and everything else are going to lead something truly wonderful. I still believe it is designed like that. But sometimes my impatience tends to ask “how long am I going to wait for it?” Maybe why I am still impatiently seeking answers to all my questions is because I do not try to enjoy life as it should be. Maybe I am so much focused on my destination where I forgot about the true essence of the journey itself. When things go bad, I should try to appreciate all the blessings I luckily have: my family, my career, old and new friends and everything which keeps me going in this life. I have learned it in a hard way that all the answers to my questions come to me only when I stop looking for them. This is how I start enjoying life…and it is not that all bad. It may lead me somewhere I never imagined or somewhere I have been dreaming for.

 

 

On Being Responsible

 

When I took the responsibility of my own being, I gained my self-respect. Other people looked at me as “martyr” but I see myself as a “hero” of my own life. As I was being under the test of life, that was the only time I realized how irresponsible I was to lay my life into someone else’s hands and whenever bad things happen, I complain and nag as if I don’t own my behaviors, responses and choices.

 

Now, I am choosing to move on and rediscover what makes my life beautiful.

 

 

On the Brighter Side

 

I like the way I appreciate things now. All the sacrifices I have given make me proud of myself. I know I still feel pain, sadness, grief or unhappiness, but embracing these will make me appreciate the true meaning of my life.

 

At this moment, I am telling this to myself, ‘life is beautiful… I just have to appreciate it’.