The Dog Whisperer

I could only wish that I got a chance to watch this National Geographic series “The Dog Whisperer” before I let go of Putol. The poor dog has been away from our home since last year. I have been silent about it because it really saddens me that I had to let him go. Tatay sent him to our cousin’s house because we could not control his behavior anymore. I have spent at least P10,000.00 on rabies shots for the people he has bitten. The neighbors were worried and us too! Yes, we had gone through those and it was really terrible. As owner, I had full responsibility for my dog… I thought if I keep him, I could lose everything.

 

He started acting different after he was badly rolled by a bicycle, accidentally/deliberately – I was unsure. He would horrifically bark at each person passing our house except for any member of the family. He also got his obsession at the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the floor; it just got him annoyed at an instant! I really had this feeling that the person/persons who wronged him could be from a basketball game nearby, riding on a bicycle. I don't blame them, Putol is a very tough dog. They could have just protected themselves. He is very muscular, even his voice is very intimidating. He could nail the female dogs that he wants. But deep inside, he is sweet and caring.

For two weeks now, I enjoy watching this show. The program “Dog Whisperer” airs on weekdays at around 4:00PM on Nat Geo channel. Last Sunday, it aired a marathon in preparation for its second season on August. The show is very positive. It really gives you an idea on how to handle dogs correctly, discipline them more so. At each episode, the Dog Whisperer itself, Ceasar Millan, says “There is no dog that is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate dogs, I train people”. He really does!

 

It was amazing that I tried the discipline tricks on my new dogs, Chu-Chu and Cha-Cha, and it worked! They know who the pack leader is now (and that’s me). Hehehe!

He was a birthday present to me when he was still a two-month old puppy, wrapped on the big round box. That was so sweet... Because he has this shorter tail than any dogs have, I named him Putol ("short"). He was very sweet to me since then but those things happened.

©©©

A bad news came just yesterday, I learned that Putol was handed over to some dog syndicate for a price – you know what I am talking about; sila yung nakatricycle na malayo pa lang, tinatahulan na ng mga ibang aso… My cousin couldn't handle him as well, then sold Putol and he’s now gone forever.

 

"Putol, we have lots of good memories together and I will take them with me forever. Remember when you first opened our gate all by yourself? I was so proud of you! How about when you walk by me going to work all the way to Dulong Bayan until I cross the street and ride the bus? Sometimes I had to throw a stone on you so you won't go any further. I will never forget as well when you pooped at the gate of our neighbor and I was asked to clean it the next day. Hahaha! That was funny because we thought no one seen us. Putol, you will always stay in my heart... No matter what."

 

 

Depressed

I am so depressed today… 

When things get worst nga naman… it flows! Hayyy…

Waking Up Again

 

 

I just woke up a few hours ago from the last two days’ misfortunes. I had a decent breakfast with Daddy Demz and Ailyn outside earlier, we were feeling much better compared last night. Daddy Demz is still mourning over his ruined garden. I still feel his sadness...

 

“Nalulungkot ako pag nakikita ko yung mga nasira, hindi ko mapuntahan”, he said.

 

The power has just been restored for a while last night then we lose it again at around 8:00AM.

 

From the last two days, I could not make any important calls and couldn’t even receive any news from my family in Cavite either. My mobile phone was useless since Tuesday. At 12:00 midnight, even though there were rains and the winds were still blowing all over our building, Gems and I decided to go home. Neither that we knew it was a bad decision. I know I could have opposed Gems decisions to go to home even if we saw Joe going back to the office, because according to him he could not see the road, but I did not asked Gems to stay for the same reason that I want to go home and be with my family straight away. Pity me.

 

A few meters from our building, some branches were already on the road. We continued. At Ayala Ave, the winds with rains were swirling on the road. We still thought we can make it like we did last year with Pepeng. And we finally decided to go back while we were at Tramo, Pasay because we were already scared, no lights on the road and more branches were falling on the street!!!

 

KForce arranged a hotel accommodation for those who were not able to go home, like Gems and I, the night typhoon Basyang hit Manila. I was able to sleep for 3 hours, Gems didn’t. We could hear the strong winds at the 23rd floor. In the morning, I was not aware that the flood was waiting for me in Bacoor. At knee-high deep flood waters along the hi-way, I have no choice but to walk my way to home. I saw Kawayan trees fell down across the road, no car could pass by. Everyone was outside their houses, fixing something.

 

When I finally at home, I immediately saw the Alatiris tree and it was down. ;’(

 

 

The flooded roads towards our house ;’(

God is good, He never let anyone from the family got hurt from the typhoon. ;’(

Thank you to all those who called and texted me to ask how we did. God bless you too ;’(

 

 

Bukas Luluhod Ang Walang Tuhod

Have you ever hoped for something hopeless?

Or are you tired of asking… until when?

I know I am not alone… our whole barangay do.

 

It’s been three days… yes, three long long days.

I just can’t face another day without you- hu-hu-hu.

 

Walang tubig!

May nirerepair daw.

Mas sikat pa kay Marian Rivera ang poso doon sa kanto at narealize ko kung gaano sya kahalaga.

 

Please conserve water.

 

 

Today

 

Today, for some reasons, I have to cry and let all the sad feelings out. Here’s the end which brings the beginning of another, a natural thing.

 

Today, the day after yesterday, they have to leave and say goodbye. Left are memories I hope will stay a lifetime.

 

 

 

Quality Time

 

I hate the fact that January is almost half. Two weeks from now, Kuya and TwitiPiws will go back to Canada. It would be DaddyDemz and me again at home. Nakakalungkot isipin pala. I’ll surely miss the ‘fiesta everyday’ ambiance. The people I have never seen in decades have been coming to our place and visiting the balikbayans, and of course most of them are just asking for pasalubong. The people I thought never existed anymore in our barangay have showed up. Everything happened the last two weeks will be memories to remember, good ones at least. I just need to enjoy every moment!

 

It is quite sad that my work this period requires me to stay extra hours at the office to work with my current project, I have no choice. Good thing I still manage to cook lunch for them and have time to be with them until noon time before I go to work.

 

My body is at work but my mind is with them. Iniisip ko kung saan-saan nanaman sila nag pupunta nang hindi ako kasama. Para akong sinisilaban sa upuan ko sa office, gusto ko laging umuwi sa bahay at makisaya sa bakasyon nila. T_T

 

 

Wrong Case Is Wrong

My Chinabank online account has been disabled today! My mistake that I overlooked the “Caps Lock” is turned on. I tried my “correct” password three times with the “wrong” letter case.

 

My first instinct was to look for the Chinabank hotline to report the incident and probably have my password reset (like BPI Express Online does). A guy named “Ryan” answered my call and I told him that I would want to seek his help to have my password reset. And the bad news was…they don’t reset password through phone. The process will be done in the home branch, I my case is Dasmariñas, Cavite. And my agony just started. The reset process is within five banking days, again, five banking days! Ang tagal! Kase daw, ipprint pa sa paper na secured (what do you call that, the one that are used for payslip distribution?) and i-ke-claim sa own branch. Hassle talaga yung process nila. And the guy said that he can only send request for password reset to my branch.

 

Okay, I admit, it was my lack-of-carefulness-and-presence-of-mind. I badly need to access my account because I must transfer money from my Savings to Checking Account or else the check I issued will jump-and-bounce on Monday! HuHuHu!

 

Hay, problem nga naman. Bigla-bigla na lang dumarating.

 

 

B.R.A.T

I have no choice but to rush to the hospital with SisDoll this morning. Thanks to her, she accompanied me even if she just came from a night shift. My PhilamCare card is accredited at St. Dominic Medical Center; this is much nearer from my place compared to La Salle UMC. I had four loose bowel movements this morning unlike the previous days with only one or two.

 

 

We went first to the Billing section to use my PhilamCare card. Thanks to this benefit, I paid nothing for the examination and consultation. Good thing that the doctor was in. Thanks, Dr. Talco. We only waited for 15 minutes. The doctor asked me what was the problem and then I said, “Masakit po ang tiyan at nagtatae since last week.” She then said…

 

“Really? Buti buhay ka pa?”

 

 

The she asked several more questions. I learned that my case is not the “diarrhea” that I had in my mind. She said maybe it is cause by something else. She recommended that I undergo fecalysis (stool examination) to rule out Amoeba infection. She also discussed about stress, dyspepsia and gastroenteritis. Bad thing, it is in my family’s blood to have stomach problems like the things that she mentioned. NanayRose suffered from colon cancer. Both DaddyDemz and SisDoll had ulcer but they were able to change their lifestyles to maintain their good health. So it is my time to take care of myself now.

 

 

 

I’ve been having bad eating habits these past few months. I realized that I only eat 2 heavy meals in a day. The doctor recommended that it is better to eat light meals every two hours just to make sure that my stomach is not building a lot of acids instead of eating heavy meals in one shot for just twice. I also have this body response that I lose my appetite every time I skip even just one meal.

 

 

She advised me to eat bananas and apples. Then I remembered Bunetber’s reminder about B.R.A.T. That’s an acronym for Banana, Rice, Apple and Toast/Tea. Experts say that is one of those balanced diets that can be followed and is stomach friendly. But they also recommend to add additional proteins for this.

 

I am pampered today. Tatay cooked lunch and SisDoll cooked our dinner. Batotoy called on the phone from Canada asking my condition. I said I just need to rest and take all the medicines that my doctor gave me.

 

 

Hopefully tomorrow I can come to office. I need to finish a lot of work.

 

Absent Today

It’s been over a week that this stomach pain and diarrhea was upsetting me. I am absent today. I just sent an email to my boss telling that I cannot come to work today.

 

And tomorrow, I am about to leave my current workstation. I’ll be moving to 5^th floor with my new co-workers and group mates. I am feeling quite sad, but I have no choice other than to embrace whatever is laid in front of me.

 

I need to take my medicine and have plenty of rest.

 

 

The Boat, The Sea and Me

I am deeply saddened by the tragic incident happened last week while storm “Frank” hit Southern Tagalog Region here in the Philippines. Over 800 people might be declared dead because they were already trapped inside the sunken ship for almost a week now. Dead bodies were also seen on the shoreline of the nearby islands.

 

This incident made me remember my near death experience in the same sea. Not many of my friends knew that I had a thrilling experience on a ship. That was in 1994, I was 14 years old then and a second year high school student. My two sisters and I went to visit our relatives in Bohol. Travelling by air was not yet possible by that time. Our itinerary included a large boat trip from Manila to Cebu and a small boat (lantsa) from Cebu to Bohol.

 

 

We took SuperFerry boat. It was a large boat and I remember that it has 4 more decks at the top and more cabin decks at the bottom. The travel time was 22 hours (it even beat my 16-hour trip to Heathrow Airport in London). As far as I can remember, the incident happened during night time because we even had our exciting picture taking during day. At some point, we couldn’t see any island in any direction, only the seawater that surrounded our boat.

 

 

After our dinner, I went to sleep and woke up feeling something was not right. The ship  was actually moving very very slow. I only learned from my sisters that one engine of the ship got burned and broken. There was fire actually at the engine area! Fortunately, the fire was put up according to some crew of the ship… but our 22-hour travel time became 24 hours. We landed at Cebu with feelings of being relieved and saved from a tragedy. We had our week-long vacation in Bohol, met our relatives and enjoyed ourselves with the virgin beauty of the province.

 

 

When we went back to Cavite, they told me everything happened that unforgettable night. It was the only time I realized how terrified and scared my two sisters were but they stayed calm and showed me an extra bravery so I won’t be scared…

 

 

This is my second life...

 

 

My sisters and I are really blessed...

 

 

 

pero... may pasok ako sa July 4! waaaaaa, bakeeeettt?

 

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SMS

"The important thing is not to be bitter over difficulties...
Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny...
And when you find yourself lost in darkness and despair...
REMEMBER... it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars...
and those stars will lead you back home...
So don't be afraid to make mistakes to stumble, to fall...
Because most of the time the greatest rewards...
come from doing the things that scare you the most."

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"Find a guy who'll kiss you just before the traffic light turns green...
Who close his eyes when he hugs you...
Who'll patiently wait for you after work...
Who'll smell your hair every chance he gets...
Who'll wipe your sweat with his hanky...
Who'll sing your favorite song even if he can't carry a tune...
Who lets you rest over his shoulder...
Who lets you sleep on his lap...
Who'll give you the 1st and last bite on his burger...
Who'll squeeze your hand tighter when you squeeze his...
Find someone who occupies your dream every night....
And when you find him... never LET GO... "

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"A sense of purpose is the best driving force to live.
Coz when you have a reason to live, you will never have a reason to quit."

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"Stop worrying about what if's...
Things will happen if they are meant to happen.
Feel the fear.
But face it anyway."

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"Not every seemingly good thing is good for us.
Not every beautiful thing is right.
Not all relationships are worth keeping.
Nor every person you love is worth it.
So when you lose something or somebody.
Maybe you are not meant to keep them.
Or maybe, you are not for them to keep."

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"When two people wanted to be together,
It means they love each other but when two people wanted to be "Just friends".
It because they're too much in love with each other that theres no need for a commitment to stay close!"

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"Life is a constant change.
Love is the greatest surprise.
Friendship is your best defense.
Maturity comes with responsibilities.
And death is just around the corner.
So expect a little, assume nothing,
Learn from your mistakes, listen to your heart,
Take care of your friends,
treasure your family,
Achieve your goals,
Cry because of laughter,
Laugh because of pain,
Eat your pride and throw up all hatred.

Enjoy life!"

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"You can only push a girl away for so long until she walks out of your life on her own,
So be careful and make sure this is what you want because once she turns around.
She ISN'T coming back."

 

Exhale your Sadness

I believe my darkest days have ended. I see sunshine little by little everyday, and there is a lot more to see. I worry no more about my future but I have a lot of plans for my life… wonderful plans.

 

I can say that I have moved on already. Moving on from a sad experience is very hard process. It takes a bunch of courage, acceptance and forgiveness… courage to accept that no matter how you strive to achieve happiness in your life, something along the way will tell you that you cannot get it; your happiness might not be the happiness of the other. But then again I have to chose different direction even how hard it is.

 

Many times from the past that I told myself that I was already fine, but equal number of times I failed to prove it. The pain is still in my heart but time will heal all the wounds.

Leaving My Second Home

I have only 5 more days to spend my time here in the office before I finally bid my goodbye …for good. My friends keep asking me why I decided to resign. Honestly, I am still quite unsure about this decision but the contract has been signed @_#.

 

My sister told me that she has this kind of uncomfortable feeling too when she decided to leave her first job in London. She has stayed there for more than four years when she decided to leave. Like me, she thought that she made a wrong decision whenever she feels the stress and the pressure. She is now on her 2^nd year in this new hospital and everything she has right now was the fruit of her courage and perseverance. I know this new job is not going to be easy for me and my own success relies only on me.

Goodbye Clouds Of Gray, Hello Skies Of Blue

I never thought that this time will ever come to my senses, the time that I can already say and tell the world that I am ready to face the world alone (although I was a bit inconsistent about this thing, trust me). Forgiving and forgetting a very special someone who left me in the middle of nowhere and who has injured my heart so badly is, in fact, a very complicated process, for me I guess. I was blinded by the guilt feeling believing that I was never been a perfect partner at all, which made me feel the one to blame in that disastrous relationship. Somehow it destroyed my self-esteem and now I am still in the pursuit of my own self worth.

 

But everybody made mistakes after all…

 

I know that most of my friends and people who were around me already knew what happened to my so-called long-term romance, even though they were very silent about it. I guess they were just respecting my decision to be quiet. Others tell me that I should be open in discussing it with them but I really feel that it will not help me at all; it will just make me remember everything again and again.

A day from now, it’s another New Year coming and from the looks of it, my days and nights will be long, tough and surely cold. In my own experience, the year 2007 was not exactly a milestone year for me, but a year of learning, understanding and realization. It was my so-called darkest days in my life, where everything seemed to fall out in its right places (‘Yin’), but the lighter part of it is that I was able to create a personal journal like this one (now here’s the ‘Yang’!). The storm has not yet passed. No more wedding plans, no more bitter-sweet-funny yet memorable moments with my special someone, no more family plans with 5 (or more) kids, no more UK visa requirements to be submitted, no more white Christmas and most likely, I got no Valentine’s Day date. Y_Y

I bet 2008 will also blow and howl like this storm in my life, and may be tougher for me. I really really hope that I can still continue and sustain my momentum in the future. I have got no one to hold onto except myself.

No one knows what lies ahead, but bills and debts still have to be paid, groceries to be bought, projects to be finished, tears to be wiped, problems to be faced and no matter what, the world will tell us that it’s time to stop questioning why life can’t be perfect and it’s time to accept the way it is.

All I know, it is the right time for me to set my personal goals and get back on the right track, my track to righteousness, success and most of all, happiness…

 

The Sadness Of The Season

I can’t believe that I am crying again right now, while other people very happy celebrating the holiday season with their love ones. I am really tired of crying.

 

Tatay is inside his room at the moment and I am here in front of my computer. Sis Doll and Cool Jo’s family is at Alapan with Nanay Pining’s family. They usually go there during Christmas Eve. They’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Right now, the moon is full and very bright, the stars are few, the whole surroundings is quiet and no signs of hapennings in our house; I hear silence except for the sound of the electric fan here inside my room. ^_^v This long vacation will be as boring as ever!

 

Earlier today, I received a text message from someone asking if I was available to go out. Since I was really having nothing else to do today, I said I was free. Thank God someone asked me out today!; Though I already knew that this one more ‘Hello’ means another ‘Goodbye’ at the end of it, and I never know when the next 'Hello' will be...

 

We met at 3:00pm, asked me If I could help him out find some gifts for his brothers. After browsing items inside dept store, we end up buying nice Bench caps. Then we had early dinner at Pizza Hut, some small talks, and went up to watch Pasukob Movie.  Since it was a holiday, the mall advised that the closing time would be until 7:00pm. I didn’t realize how fast the moment was and it’s already time to go. Before he sent me home, we went straight to a drug store and bought Tatay’s medicine, then went to a supermarket to buy her sister’s ‘pabilin’.

 

Since I was worried that he would be caught by traffic going home, I told him not to send me home anymore, but he insisted. At the gate of our house, I was sad again; my chest was feeling so heavy and thoughts of another goodbye would be happening again, then I just cried. I couldn't get inside the house because I didn’t want Tatay to see me crying again. I stayed outside for a while and wiped my tears.

 

And now, just two hours away from the Christmas Day…I am alone and I am crying. Y_Y

 

 

So Close And Still So Far

 Meeyeow hate to say “Hello” because she knows at the end of it is saying “Goodbye”.

 

I keep telling everyone that I am fine and alright, though I really should be happy right now but I still feel sad and empty…

 

Mr. V and I decided to watch True Faith Band’s Concert last Friday at 888 Fishing Village and Restaurant. I had to wait for him because he still had a meeting at work to finish before he can leave the office. He texted me, around 9:00 pm, that the meeting just finished and then told me to wait for him in an hour. Earlier, I saw on the news that the southbound road was already building some heavy traffic due to early Christmas rush so I doubted that he would be coming on time. In fact, he arrived at 10:30 pm. Then after I dressed up, we headed straight to 888. To enjoy the moment, I suggested that we walk going to the hi-way and then just took a bus going to Covelandia Road. I couldn’t remember anymore the things that we talked about while we were walking under the moonlight but definitely those were happy ones.

 

The band already sang 2 songs when we arrived. The seats were quite full but Infinity managed to get us a nice place. Thanks Infinity ^_^v. She was asking me if both of us already got back together and I said no. I know she is not happy to what is going on between Mr. V and me.

 

Hungry and starving, we ordered Sinigang na Hipon, Crispy Pata, and 0ne bucket of San Mig Lights. We were actually planning to get drunk that night and we did :D I couldn’t even get myself straight to the comfort room because of the wooziness. The band was great and we enjoyed their music very much. “Perfect”, “Muntik na Maabot ang Langit” and “Dahil Ikaw” were some of their timeless songs they did. After the concert, we stayed for quite some time with Infinity. Then we went home at 3:00 am. I asked him to stay till the sun came up because it was not safe anymore to go home straight to Trece Martirez City that time.

 

I felt so wonderful that night; I would say the feeling was “parang naka drugs”. Hehehe. Whenever I was with him, I got very high. But as I have said, there would be another goodbye at the end of it. We were so close yet he was still so far. I could hold him physically... but his heart, his mind and the way he speak was pushing me away.

 

We parted the next day at SM Bacoor. Earlier,  Mr. V took me for a movie, The Golden Compass, and a dinner at Shakey’s Pizza. I beg him not to take me home that night for I didn’t want him to see me cry again. The wonderful moments have ended and so I have to say “Goodbye” again…

 

Trivia: I had a first time today. It was my first to walk at the mall where my eyes were filled with tears.

 

 

A Nice Pillow To Lean On

My back is always aching during afternoon. I don’t think my new chair is as comfortable enough as the last. That’s why I need a pillow like this charming one.

 

My physical body needs a pillow and so is my emotional condition. It feels like my mind and my feelings need a resting place letting my tired being to have a short break. I just want to be free, even just for a while, from pressures here at work and at home.

 

Here's a nice poem by DREAMS_BOY4EVER about tears fell on a pillow and it goes something like this...

 

Last night before went to bed
Thoughts of you filled my head
I have not cried this way in many of years
Onto my pillow fell six silent tears

The first was for your smile that I miss
And your tender lips I long to kiss
The second was for your gentle face
And thoughts of your loving embrace

The third came as no suprise
As I thought of your beautiful eyes
The fourth came rolling down my face
Instead of my pillow, it should be you in it's place.

The fifth came for one reason alone
I felt my love for you wasn't fully shown
I really love and miss you my dear
And there just fell...the sixth silent tear

 

Happy Crying! :D

 

 

Simple Words (Part II)

It was already 8:30am when I woke up from last night’s exciting/with some “kilig” moments/semi-heartbreaking episode of my life. My eyes and my heart were restless again.

 

I went to church with Sis Doll and Cool Jo. So as to hide my very visible eye bugs (–due to some emotional anxiety attack last night), I was forced to put some eye liner and eye shadow this morning. To divert the focus to my ears, I wore big and very noticeable bangle earrings, hehehe. The Minister’s sermon was inspired by the upcoming year-end Thanks Giving Celebration this year that will be held next week. But then again, my mind was sailing in the deep sea of my thoughts from time to time. Well, my subject was none other than, Mr. V, along with the things that happened last night. As I promised to myself, I am writing about it.

 

Late last month, I started having this speculation that Mr. V was intentionally making me lose my trust to him. Or something that he wanted to prove that he really wants his freedom; that he could decide whatever he wanted without having to consider other people. Last Friday, I got an invitation from Mr. V to go out on Saturday. I said, “Ok”. Details were discussed that day, but none of it happened as planned (or should I say, as said) except for the movie watching.

 

Lesson learned:

-          never expect (no. 1)

-          live at present, not on the past nor future

-          live as if it is your last

-          practise spontaneous acts

 

After the movie, he took me home. I missed the scene, so much. Thanks to the traffic, we were able to spend some more time inside the car. Then we talked a little more at home. It was nice to feel that I was able to share again to someone my emotions, especially to him. I could consider o-u-r shared dreams in the past are like ruined drawings in a canvass. There is no more wonderful colors and images of happines. Everyday, another color turns to gray...

 

Everything that he's going through right now is his very own choice. This is not because he is a Sagittarian (although, Sagittarians are really emotional persons), but because he wants to start anew with h-i-s life.

 

I just want to support him and give him back the love and understanding he has given me through the years and it really doesn’t matter if that new chapter of his life means I might not be part of it. It just really hurts me to get all the rejections i am receiving now.

 

"He just taught me how to love and how to hold on….and now, how to say goodbye. "

 

Simple Words (Part I)

“If only those simple words were said….”

 

How can you hold on to someone when that person just gives you more than enough reasons not to? Is it a test of love? Or just hints that you can’t really be together forever? Is there such thing as forever anyway?

 

I just had an official date after almost one and a half months. My date and I had a wonderful dinner and a nice light-hearted movie.

 

While we were inside the car, my mind was just as busy as a bee thinking what to say, asking my self what to do next or how to react. He was talking to me but even simple words won’t come out from my frozen lips. Actually, I couldn’t stop myself not to get emotional again but things just made me feel sad because I am still living from the memories of the past and that past is special no more.

 

I’ll try hard to recall all those thoughts that were running from my mind. As far as I remembered, here are some :( subconscious thoughts were in Italics):

 

-          “Meeyeow, don’t cry!”

-          “No, I’m not crying….I hope you know how to make me stop.”

-           “I am crying because I am hurt every time you make me feel that in the end there are no us anymore.”

-          “I don’t need material things, I need you!”

-          “All good memories are still inside my heart, those are what keep me holding on.”

 

 

….It’s 12:00 midnight and I am so sleepy, I’ll post the rest of the story tomorrow…promise!

 

Special No More

What makes the month of December as special as everyone considers and makes out of it? Maybe it is the feeling of the cold breeze, the celebrations, being thankful that everyone is still standing despite the challenges in life for the past years and spending the season with the special people in our lives.

 

" Ooops, another anxiety attack! "

 

I won’t lie that this is my most hated season right now. The excitement is not enough for me to forget my loneliness. Why? because a lot of special moments before were as not as special this year… One of the things I learned in life is that I must live each day as if it is my last. I have never regretted this much emotionally in my life. Last year, I spent the December season in United Kingdom with BettyB’s family and friends. It was special because I made a lot of new friends; I was given opportunity to travel that far; and most specially, BettyB’s family made me feel really special to them. Sadly I was away from Tatay, Sis Doll’s Family and to Mr. V (not knowing that the preceding year was the last).

 

Two years ago, I organize a small party at New Year’s Eve. It was a very private family affair. With the money I solicited from Batotoy, my brother, and BettyB, I bought some raffle items. It was a wonderful party indeed. Then at 12:00mn, we prayed altogether to thank God for all the blessings.

 

I know the feeling of being special to someone that is why I know how it is not to be. No more small notes of ‘hi and good night’, even saying ‘I need you’ and ‘Can I see you?’…

 

I hope I can still push myself to be as happy as I was from my previous December seasons.