It was already 8:30am when I woke up from last night’s exciting/with some “kilig” moments/semi-heartbreaking episode of my life. My eyes and my heart were restless again.
I went to church with Sis Doll and Cool Jo. So as to hide my very visible eye bugs (–due to some emotional anxiety attack last night), I was forced to put some eye liner and eye shadow this morning. To divert the focus to my ears, I wore big and very noticeable bangle earrings, hehehe. The Minister’s sermon was inspired by the upcoming year-end Thanks Giving Celebration this year that will be held next week. But then again, my mind was sailing in the deep sea of my thoughts from time to time. Well, my subject was none other than, Mr. V, along with the things that happened last night. As I promised to myself, I am writing about it.
Late last month, I started having this speculation that Mr. V was intentionally making me lose my trust to him. Or something that he wanted to prove that he really wants his freedom; that he could decide whatever he wanted without having to consider other people. Last Friday, I got an invitation from Mr. V to go out on Saturday. I said, “Ok”. Details were discussed that day, but none of it happened as planned (or should I say, as said) except for the movie watching.
Lesson learned:
- never expect (no. 1)
- live at present, not on the past nor future
- live as if it is your last
- practise spontaneous acts
After the movie, he took me home. I missed the scene, so much. Thanks to the traffic, we were able to spend some more time inside the car. Then we talked a little more at home. It was nice to feel that I was able to share again to someone my emotions, especially to him. I could consider o-u-r shared dreams in the past are like ruined drawings in a canvass. There is no more wonderful colors and images of happines. Everyday, another color turns to gray...
Everything that he's going through right now is his very own choice. This is not because he is a Sagittarian (although, Sagittarians are really emotional persons), but because he wants to start anew with h-i-s life.
I just want to support him and give him back the love and understanding he has given me through the years and it really doesn’t matter if that new chapter of his life means I might not be part of it. It just really hurts me to get all the rejections i am receiving now.
"He just taught me how to love and how to hold on….and now, how to say goodbye. "
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