Sun-day = Sad-yun

Today is just another sad Sunday for me. Luckily, the time will never stop running and yeBa!... it is already mid day!

 

Yesterday, I had a promise to myself that I will try my very best to post a blog everyday in my multiply account. This is the only thing that can help me release all these suppressed feelings inside me. Earlier, I went to church (just like we used to every Sunday) along Covelandia Road in Kawit with my sister, Sis Doll, and her husband, Cool Jo. I was quite disturbed by the thoughts that have been bugging me for more than two months now. But I was also fighting my sailing mind to hear the sermon of the minister.

 

At the middle of the service, one sad thought just popped into my mind and suddenly I was teary-eyed. First thing, I don’t want my sister (who was just sitting beside me) to see me crying and second, I needed to find ways to cover up the tears. Then I just pretended that I was yawning. (diba pag nag-yawn ka, madalas napapaluha ka?) Then after doing that fake yawning, I wiped out my tears.

 

Everywhere I go, whenever my mind becomes so busy looking for answers to all my problems and whenever my heart is longing for someone, my tears won’t stop flowing from my eyes. Is this a sign of weakness? As far as I can remember, I have never had an experience where I cried at school. My Nanay once told me that during my Day Care Center moments, after she sent me inside the classroom, I was the only one who didn’t cry after the door was locked up by our teacher. After that, I would go to my school all by myself. Through the years, people do usually see me laughing or smiling. I don’t like the present Me that I see now… unhappy and broken.

 

After the service, while inside the car on our way home, Sis Doll asked me about something. It was the question that I was been reluctant to answer:

 

Sis Doll: Ano ba, kayo pa ba ni Mr.V?

Meeyeow: Hindi na nga.

Sis Doll: Kelan pa?

Meeyeow: Mga two months na.

Sis Doll: Eh nung birthday ni Jellypotpot? Pumunta lang sya dahil tinext ko sya?

Meeyeow: Hindi, friends naman kami eh.

Sis Doll: So ganon na lang yon kay Mr. V, ang tagal tagal nyo na magkasama? Sino ba nakipaghiwalay?

Meeyeow: Ako.

Cool Jo: Pasasaan ba at magkakabalikan din yang mga yan.

Sis Doll: Eh bakit ba?

Cool Jo: May nahanap na si MMr. V na iba sa Makati no?

Meeyeow: Wala.

Cool Jo: Ah wala ba. (He stopped the car beside Malvar store in Binakayan and went outside to buy a newspaper.)

Sis Doll: Eh ano ba nangyari? Bakit ka naman nakipaghiwalay?

Meeyeow: Ano ka ba, it’s just between the two of us.

Sis Doll: Ang arte mo!

 

Silence….

 

Meeyeow: Si kuya tumawag pa sa office para sabihin na may irereto sya sa akin.

Sis Doll: Si Dith mo din meron!

Meeyeow: Ahhh, so nag uusap-usap pala kayo?!

Sis Doll: hahaha!... Kaya pala nag mumukmok ka palagi.

Meeyeow: Hindi ah.

Sis Doll: Hindi na nga tayo nakakapag usap eh!

Meeyeow: Edi sana tinext mo ako.

Sis Doll: Hindi ka naman nagrereply!

Meeyeow: Nagrereply kaya.

 

 

Yes, I lied to them. I just couldn’t tell them that Mr. V did break my heart… Maybe I pity myself about the fact that he was the one who left me… Maybe I am protecting him to my family… Maybe I still couldn’t believe the there is already someone new in his heart…and it is no longer me inside him.

 

I know someday I can find the answers to all my questions, all the matters and issues regarding this experience. I really hope someday…

 

Hay.... I think it is going to rain this afternoon. Nagdidilim kasi sa labas. Tamang tama. Masarap matulog, para paggising ko, gabi na...